Finding Hope in Unexpected Moments, Once Again
By Jim Doyle
NOTE: This was written as a contribution to the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation’s monthly Recovery Advocacy Update. If you’d like to receive our advocacy emails, subscribe today.
A few months ago, I shared an experience about preparing for a webinar, “Finding Hope During the Holidays,” for a nonprofit organization that provides support for parents and families who have lost a child. Struggling to find words of comfort to share with heartbroken, grieving parents and families, I went on a meditative walk. Searching my mind and soul for offerings of encouragement, hope and joy to share with those whose hearts and minds were filled with pain, sorrow and loss, I unexpectedly found a painted stone on a bench. It read: Spread Joy.
Having lost a son, I know the pain of living with the loss of a child. Healing takes time, and hope can fade away in the shadows of grief and sadness. Being hopeful in life is a choice we make moment to moment and day to day. I put the painted stone back on the bench for others to discover. I felt gifted with joy in this unexpected moment by a winter scene painted on a gray stone. I thought to myself: we can all be ambassadors of hope.
But in the dark, cold, lonely days of a long, and what seemed like never-ending winter, I struggled to keep hope close to my heart. The good vibrations in my mind fell into a symphony of gloom and doom. Somehow being brave and courageous in the face of adversity, disappointment and personal setbacks in life seemed noble aspirations but faint in heart.
In the loneliness of my mind, like a leapfrog, I lunged from problem to problem. My thinking confused illusion and reality. They tangled together, immobilizing me and my positive thinking with the cloud cover of darkness and scarcity. In these uncertain moments, I felt more reactive than proactive, more hopeless than hopeful — stuck with an anchor of fear around me. Have you ever felt this way?
Thankfully, as actor Jeff Goldblum famously said in the original Jurassic Park movie, “life finds a way.” Spring returned!
Once again, I found myself on a meditative walk, this time focused on gratitude. And, in an unexpected moment, I discovered a different painted stone. It affirmed: “you are braver than you realize.”
This was a timely message of hope and possibility, one that boosted me even more than the change of seasons alone. I realized on that walk that I had been focused on trying to control life’s challenges. This strategy of worrying and strong-arming problems with muscle and force was not working. The only thing going up was my blood pressure. My mindset was going down in despair. What I needed to relearn was how to let go and detach from things outside my control. The grace of that moment evoked a belief in being my best self. The friendly dog painted on the stone with a memorable caption gave me new hope.
Letting go, accepting life with faith and hope, helped heal my fear. This meant I could be open to what is possible in the moment without needing to control the outcome. With renewed energy, a disciplined mindset, and an activated life-force, I realized I can be braver in the face of life’s challenges. I was now walking a path of serenity, joy and purpose.
Hope is the way.
Jim Doyle is a public speaker and workshop facilitator and the author of Hope for Life: Being Your Best Self When You Need It Most, his insightful story of facing the heartbreak of losing a son to drug addiction and the healing process of living with hope and resilience. Jim’s faith helps him find joy and hope during the holiday season, even in the most unexpected moments.
