Meet Andeea Rae: artist, designer, counselor and grateful human in recovery
This was originally published for Hazelden Betty Ford’s monthly Recovery Advocacy Update. If you’d like to receive our advocacy emails, subscribe today.
Art comes in many forms, and Andeea Rae is drawn to all kinds. Whether in her career as a makeup artist in New York City, her current career in the healing arts, or her successful side-hustle as a fiber artist, indie dyer and knitwear designer, Andeea has always found ways to be creative, express ideas, and evoke reflections about life. In addition to working today as an addiction counselor at the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation in Beaverton, Oregon, Andeea creates art to express her own healing journey and advocate for others. Her indie dyed cords and fiber art are meant to elicit emotion and start safe conversations about topics like addiction and eating disorders that are too often avoided. A graduate of the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies, Andeea describes herself first and foremost as “a grateful human in recovery.” We too were grateful to check in with her about recovery, advocacy, art and Women’s History Month.
Q: What does recovery look like for you, and how has it empowered different aspects of your life?
For me, recovery looks like a journey of rebirth. I say that because when I look back, I was a completely different person. I have no regrets though. For me to be the woman I am today, I needed to go through it all. I believe that everything had to happen just the way it did to put me in this chair at this very moment sharing with you. This means I had to learn to let go of control and trust the process. Which is Step 3 in the Twelve Step path that has served me well. I had to have faith that things were going to work out. Trusting in a power greater than myself has empowered me to let go, be free, and find peace in accepting myself exactly as I am right here and right now. I continue to discover more and more about who I am every day. My values have changed drastically just in the past few years and I am 13 years in recovery. It is an ever-evolving process and a beautiful one. It is truly a journey of self-discovery and that in itself is empowering. I love how everyone’s journey is different, and I think that is why I love hearing other people’s stories so much. I would not be where I am if I was not practicing the principles of recovery in all of my affairs, and that is empowering to me.
Q: What does it mean for you to share your recovery with others?
It means being vulnerable and not caring what others will think. I used to live my life always worried about what others thought of me, and my art has really helped in letting go of that. In fact, the reason I chose a triangle to be the logo for Andeea Rae Fiber Art is because I wanted to represent the idea of sharing experience, strength and hope in all that I do. I seem to always manage to fit recovery advocacy, and other forms of advocacy, into the different aspects of my life. Rather than harboring shame for the health conditions I’ve experienced, I find meaning and consistency in sharing about them and helping others.
Q: What would you like more people to understand about recovery?
Recovery is a beautiful journey that one chooses to embark on, and it looks different for everyone. Recovery often requires courage to pursue the unknown and lean into discomfort. And, ultimately, it reflects human strength and resiliency and our capacity — with the help of others — to change patterns of living and overcome whatever may be holding us back from our best and healthiest selves.
When I was in active addition, I used substances to avoid or accentuate every feeling, and especially to dull the anxiety I felt in social encounters that might impact how others thought of me. I lived with fear, and for me, it all boiled down to past trauma. And one thing I’ve come to believe is that we all have experienced trauma on some level, big or small. We all have hurt. It’s part of what makes us human and binds us all. People with substance use disorders often seek substances to soothe pain or ease discomfort. Others may seek the same relief in shopping, gambling, porn, food, video games, internet, social media — the list goes on and on. Others find healthy ways to cope, connect and to live — and that’s what recovery is: a process of discovering new, healthier ways of being.
Thinking of my own journey again, I used in response to almost every conceivable situation and feeling, so recovery involved changing a lot of different aspects of my life. It was hard. Fighting a brain disease with the brain is tricky. That’s why the help of others, and the ability to put faith into a process are often so important. For me, recovery has been a beautiful dance that started with acknowledging I wasn’t dancing too well there for awhile, becoming open to new ways of dancing and then demonstrating a willingness to try them out. Turned out for me, like it has for millions of others in recovery, I can dance pretty well after all.
Q: What are you reflecting on during this Women’s History Month?
Gratitude. I am so grateful for the strong women in my life who have mentored me not only professionally, but also personally. Women like my mentors in the fiber community, and the powerhouse women leaders at Hazelden Betty Ford in Oregon. They have helped mold and shape the woman that I am, and I cannot thank them enough for what they have taught me. I continue to learn and look up to strong women leaders in the health field and the arts. That said, it is really important for me to recognize, honor and reflect on the women who taught them as well, and to do my humble best to pay it forward so that the ripples of their impact continue.
