On Loneliness … and H.A.L.T.
By Kevin Doyle, EdD
NOTE: This was originally published for the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation’s monthly Recovery Advocacy Update. If you’d like to receive our advocacy emails, subscribe today.
A lot has been written recently about loneliness, from articles in major newspapers like the New York Times to U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s book entitled Together: The Healing Power of Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World to Robert Putnam’s 2002 seminal work Bowling Alone to scholarly articles in academic journals. Some pre-date the days of COVID-19, while others note the isolation that the pandemic fueled and how loneliness today seems to be more pervasive than ever. Nearly all cite the contributions that social media, and the Internet in general, have made to changing the societal structures that historically connected people, such as dinner parties, neighborhood functions, and service organizations.
The question is: what does all this mean for people who are experiencing substance use and mental health conditions, and those in recovery?
For people in recovery from substance use (and mental health) disorders, connection with others has often been emphasized as a key to a solid and strong recovery program. Author Johann Hari even caught mainstream attention (10M views and counting) for a Ted Talk in which he notes, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety — it’s connection,” a statement that, while an oversimplification, offers an enlightening perspective and has been adopted widely into our culture.
Suspecting that pandemic-related isolation has been a serious problem for many, I have been both surprised and encouraged when talking with people in recovery. While some online Twelve Step and other recovery support meetings were established pre-COVID, the pandemic accelerated the trend, and countless new virtual meetings emerged as traditional in-person meetings transformed to a virtual format, at least temporarily. There are now untold numbers of people in recovery who have no experience with in-person formats and are wholly comfortable in the online/virtual recovery environment. Others, of course, pine for the “good old days” when scores of in-person meetings were held in nearly every community, complete with the “meeting after the meeting,” on the church steps, and outings afterward. While in-person meetings have mostly returned, the virtual meeting world — with its convenience and flexibility — is here to stay. And it offers nearly infinite options for folks in all stages of recovery to connect with others, not just in their communities, but around the world, every hour of every day.
That’s good, right?
Although online meeting options are plentiful, the powerful, persistent and pervasive nature of loneliness is undeniable. The trend toward more loneliness, though accelerated by COVID, actually began earlier and, by all accounts, continues to trend upward. Online meetings are a welcome innovation, to be sure, but also not a panacea. It’s actually more important than ever to help each other nurture meaningful, connective bonds.
One of the most discouraging aspects of my clinical career has been working with people who made incredible progress in recovery, with many months or years of abstinence and growth, only to see their relationships end anyway. It’s as if some relationships can survive addiction, but not recovery. Many find their way into new relationships, of course, but it’s still unfortunate when recovery does not lead to reconciliation, renewed relationships and ongoing connection — especially knowing how important connection can be to one’s recovery.
As a final thought on this topic, it is worth noting that, while criticism of self-help programs seems somewhat fashionable in scholarly and academic forums, the wisdom that comes from lived experience is consistently striking. The A.A.-popularized adage of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) — a reminder of things to be aware of and cautious about —has been around for decades and continues to resonate in the current environment, which highlights the perils of the “L” — loneliness. Similarly, we have seen movements emerge in recent years to address anger (anger management classes), hunger (studies identifying the importance of nutrition), and getting enough sleep to avoid being tired (sleep studies, etc.).
Contrary to critiques, perhaps the founders of Twelve Step programs really did have a deep knowledge of what is important after all?
Kevin Doyle Ed.D., is the president and CEO of the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies in Center City, Minn.
