Why Don’t We Ask About Recovery?
This was originally published for Hazelden Betty Ford’s monthly Recovery Advocacy Update. If you’d like to receive our advocacy emails, subscribe today.
By Kevin Doyle, EdD
It struck me recently that one of the ways we perpetuate stigma about substance use disorders is in our reluctance to ask people about recovery. In other words, we avoid the subject altogether, rather than checking in with friends and loved ones, much as we might about cancer or heart disease. Rather than a simple “how are you doing with that,” we ignore the opportunity to check in, almost reminiscent of how we used to think about suicide: as if bringing up the subject might be too uncomfortable or even triggering.
Wouldn’t be better if we actually asked people how they are doing? The script might look something like this:
Hey, how’s your recovery going?
Great, I’ve got two years now without drinking or using, and I feel so much better. Thanks for asking.
Wow, that is so great to hear. I am really happy to hear that! What is working for you? Is there anything you need from me?
Or:
Hey, how’s your recovery going?
Not so great. I drank again last week and I am trying to get back on track. It’s hard.
Oh, sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help? Or: Bummer, sorry. Have you checked in with your primary care provider/counselor/therapist/sponsor? Or: Ok, sorry. Would it help to go to a Twelve Step meeting? I would be happy to go with you.
Obviously, we need to avoid stepping into any kind of professional role, but we can encourage our friend or loved one to seek appropriate care, much as we would in the case of any other chronic disease.
It just seems to me, though, that avoiding the topic of recovery is about the least effective or supportive thing we can do. As the battle against stigma continues, and progress continues to be made slowly and surely, it is important to identify areas that have traditionally been blind spots and continue to chip away at them.
The simple act of asking someone about recovery is a small one, but can be reinforcing or even life-saving. Let’s all think about this and see if we can be part of the solution, and not part of the problem.
Kevin Doyle Ed.D., is the president and CEO of the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies in Center City, Minn.
